Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Many a time as parents we wonder if the way in which we do things for our children are correct or not.
Sometimes when faced with a situation where our children aren’t acting in accordance with what we think they should do, we have to apply some form of discipline. But what do we do when the act is not discipline worthy, but is simply something we would like them to do differently or a skill we would like them to learn?
We often try to find examples in God’s Word but there are not many good examples in the Bible so we need to create our own ‘Training Programmes’, working with the Holy Spirit and constantly measuring the successes. The following is my ‘Star Chart’ programme which I have used with great success over the last 7 years.
When my firstborn child was about 3 years old, I was left at such a cross roads. Although he knew the basic “please” and “thank you”, he needed more motivation in feeding himself, sleeping by himself, etc. I had read a couple of management books and thought that surely if one could use positive rewards instead of a punishment system to get employees to act in a favourable way, then you should be able to get a child to react in the same way by using positive reinforcement instead of punishment.
I drew up a “star chart” that basically has a list of chores or age appropriate things you wish your child should do or that you want them to learn. At the end of each day you work through the list and ask your child to paste a star in the column of the chore or task he / she successfully mastered that day. The child will feel a sense of pride when they see all the stars they have accumulated and the joy with which the parent praises them on everything they got right that day. At the end of the month you can reward your child with eg. R1 per star they earned or some other reward that motivates them and is acceptable for you. With time, the chores / tasks will become second nature and may become something you expect from your child instead of rewarding them every time they get it right. A 3 year old will, for example, not be able to bath themselves, so the practice of being able to do this by themselves can be encouraged and then rewarded when they get it right. Likewise, a grade 1 child will be expected to bath themselves so will not be rewarded for doing so.
Once a year you can sit with your child to decide which tasks to add / remove that is age appropriate for them and then watch them start learning new skills and taking pride in learning to be responsible people.