Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
We all understand the concept of acceptable behaviour and we’ve learnt to ‘dance’ around it and often it ends in manipulative behaviour by the culpit just to be accepted or to get by. This reminds me of the little boy who was running around and his dad said: “Johnny, sit down”! So, after some back and forth negotiation his dad got him to sit down but in his heart he was still running around. This is the principle of learning to obey or to follow.
Now, this can easily be mistaken as the principle of ‘Unacceptable Behaviour’ but it is not. Take for example an employee who learnt how to follow instructions and to stay out of trouble but now ‘demands to speak to the owner of the company immediately’. He did not say he was not going to follow instructions but he is ‘throwing a tantrum’ because you can’t see him immediately. He is not willing to wait his turn, make an appointment, stand in line… The more you tell him to calm down the more he huffs and puffs and eventually the owner gives in and just excuses himself from the current meeting to ‘just attend to the new problem’. So what happened here? The unruly employee learns that he just has to make a scene to be heard and the world will stop to accommodate him so guess what he will do next time when he is unhappy? This is called ‘Unacceptable Behaviour’!
We clearly see it in society as well. If you follow the rules, you are acceptable, you get to engage with others and if you act properly, you may even be appointed as a leader. However, if you cross the line and start acting in an ‘Unacceptable Way’, you are removed from society and locked up in jail and if you don’t behave there, you get to spend some time in solitary confinement.
These principles are often so similar that it confuses us. It reminds me of the day when I raised my voice to my wife and she said to me: “My darling, you know I love and respect you very much but I cannot allow you to speak to me like that. So, I am going to excuse myself from this conversation until you can speak to me properly”. This made me feel so small but lesson learnt! When should people learn about ‘Unacceptable Behaviour’? I believe we can teach this to our children at a very young age. The timing is perfect when you see that they have mastered the skill to manipulate you. That means they have the ability to understand and also to behave in a way to get the best actions from you.
I believe you should start with the principle. “Johnny, this is ‘Unacceptable Behaviour’. I would like you to go to the bathroom now and think about your selfishness and how you should handle this situation better”. It is not easy but they will thank you one day for teaching them this principle!