Can we say that people speak different love languages? In the final instance it matters less what you say or do to/for a person or what you give them than how you make them feel. If you give someone salt for his coffee, he is going to feel you don’t care about him and he is going to think you are weird! The key to any relationship is to make someone feel valued. So we need to study the love language that the other person likes and give it to him/her before he/she will feel loved!
For instance, one person may express love by their words to a person who is expecting specific actions or behaviour to feel loved. The “talker” can carry on until the cows come home but it will have little or no effect on the person who expects “deeds” to “show that he loves me!” It is as if they speak different languages and they will simply not understand each other until they learn to understand and speak each other’s languages.
A truly life-changing book: The 5 Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman, also a senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church, goes in-depth to help us discover ourselves and the needs of our neighbors. We need to determine our most unsatisfied love language first. Thereafter we need to ask Jesus to fill that love tank. This is an extremely deep process and the book will assist you tremendously with this process.
These love tanks were emptied by life events in our past. We then mask painful events with ( alcohol, porn, money, being a workaholic, gym fanatic, extreme sports activities, constant joker, RELIGION to name but a few). Note that even religion can be a form of a mask. You want everybody to think you are okay and obviously, you love God so people would not dare say you have issues. Then one morning you wake up and you realize your life is still empty even though you have these masks that should help, right? By starting with a call to Jesus, He will start filling your love tanks. Then show you through His Spirit the love languages of your neighbors. Only when we start giving without ever wanting to receive, as Jesus did, will He be able to say, I know you.
So with the tools in hand, if we are truly filled by Christ’s love, our tanks full, we can pour that out to others by being the light. Philippians 2 v 3-3: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
This has just become a whole lot more difficult if you were offended by a friend. What does God want you to do now?
Write to us with your questions or thoughts. It is a great journey and we pray that this will flow over to all your relationships and that we might become true “servants” of Jesus Christ. Amen.